Unusual names have been with us for a long time. Scarlett O'Hara (heroine of Gone With the Wind), Elijah Blue Altman (Cher's son with rocker Greg Allman), and Moon Unit Zappa (daughter of musician Frank Zappa) are all "different"names, to say the least. However, one of these is a fictional character, and the other two were named by people who likely spent a lot of time high on drugs and booze. Back in the days, names like these were anomalies.
But not anymore. About a dozen years ago, people decided that their children were so extraordinary that a regular old name was just not good enough. And so began the trend of giving your child a "unique" name. A name that would not only show the world that this child was, indeed, extraordinary, but also that its parents were complete and total idiots.
When I was in grade school, back in the 70's, kids had names. I mean names that could be found in the little book parents used to consult before naming their child. I went to school with a lot of "-eens": Eileens, Maureens, Noreens, Doreens, Jeaneens, - and also a lot of Marys, Annes, Dianes, Lisas, Debbies, and Karens. Nothing odd or unique about them. The boys were named John, Joseph, Robert, Peter, Michael, Mark...good, solid biblical names.
When I started teaching, about 10 years ago, I came across a lot of Amandas, Brittanys, Ashleys, and all kinds of -annas: Lilliana, Julianna, Brianna, Gianna, etc. Even still, these are at least real names.
A while ago I was reading an article in Parenting magazine. Side note: I hate Parenting magazine. It's always filled with lots of tidbits about how to make recycled stationery out of used paper plates, or an article about how some child overcame an allergy to avocados and went on to lead a perfectly normal life. Snoozers! I was forced to read it in some doctor's office, where all the other literature was in Spanish. An article about "New Naming Trends" caught my eye; I knew it would be painful to read, but I had nothing else to do. It started out by saying that, these days, parents are putting a lot more thought into naming their child; in other words, they have nothing else to do, so instead of shouting some random name as the child passes painfully through the birth canal, they spend months researching this all-important topic.
In the article several couples are interviewed. One that stands out is a couple who said they spent months trying to think of an appropriate name and finally decided "that Basil was the perfect name for our son because it combined our mutual loved of nature and gourmet cooking into one word." Yeah, I have a word: Asskicking, which is exactly what Basil is going to get every day of his life. Imagine poor Basil when he graduates from college and must get a job. Somebody is going to read his name and say "There is no way I am hiring some a**hole whose name is an herb."
Why does this annoy me so much? it's just another reflection of the self-centered, self-absorbed, self-important society in which we live. Every child is exceptional; every person is gifted; and rules are just for the "regular" people. Little Basil can't be expected to do the same thing as his peers; after all, his name alone conveys "a love for nature and gourmet cooking." Yeah, well good for him. If he has any brains, he'll change his name when he's older. Or, if he's as stupid as his parents, he'll probably change it to Thyme.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Christmas Letter
Dear Friends and Family,
The holidays are upon us, and once again we've been kind enough to write down everything we did this year, so you can read it with envy. We don't want you to miss a detail!
I'd start with January, except I don't remember any of it. February brought the 5th birthday of our daughter Ava. Because we are out of our minds, we decided to host a children's party for 10 of Ava's little pals at a local kid's museum. Thank God all the parents stayed or I would have lost at least half the children. Once that was done we all went home and got drunk.
March was completely non-descript except I think Easter was thrown in there somewhere. I am sure something happened in April, although I can't recall what it was.
In May we were thrilled that Ava got to have eye surgery and an airway assessment. Our doctor said that since Ava was such a complex case we should go to Cincinnati Children's Hospital for a complete airway assessment, because they are the experts in kids with complex airways. Needless to say, we were thrilled at the thought of visiting yet another hospital and with the added bonus of flying there as well!
In June we decided to take out first plane ride with Ava to a family weekend for craniofacial kids in Myrtle Beach. After spending 12 hours packing our clothing, and cramming all our toiletries, countless medical supplies, and other necessities into 4-ounce containers - and then cramming the 4-ounce containers into quart size plastic bags - I was ready to schlep all our crap to the airport and get on a plane. Ava loved the plane ride and we all enjoyed the vacation, despite the fact that it was hot as blazes and everything cost a million dollars.
July brought my 41st birthday -yipee- I think Malcolm and I may have gone out to dinner, but I don't really remember. All I can tell you is I likely fell asleep by 10pm. also I now need reading glasses on top of my contact lenses for "age related eye problems. "
In August we celebrated 9 years of wedded bliss as well as Malcolm's 43rd birthday. Ava started kindergarten too. As we expected, she is at the top of her class and excels academically. Now if she could sit still during story time we'd be fine. She also dabbles in the martial arts at her twice-weekly karate classes. I am sure she is gifted in this area and we'll likely be celebrating her black belt soon. While the instructor says she can be "unfocused", I view this as such as negative term, and prefer to call her inquisitive and engaging.
Finally, in October we took our dream vacation to Cincinnati, OH, where we spent 5 nights in a cut-rate room - an old hospital room converted to a hotel suite. It wasn't quite as nice as the Ritz but we made the best of it. All I can say is thank God there was a Marriott with an excellent bar across the street or I might not have made it through the week.
Autumn also brought pumpkins, beautiful foliage and the news that Malcolm has high blood pressure. Just another hurdle for us, as he is now taking daily medication for this condition. I continue to take the fist full of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs I need to make it through the day.
This Thanksgiving was much better than last since we spent it with family instead of in the hospital. We look forward to doing the same at Christmas; we hope that we are all healthy.
Day to day life remains the same. Malcolm toils away at his job as an engineer, while I engage in such glamorous activities as grocery shopping, laundry, feeding the cat, cooking, and cleaning every few months. I do get out every chance I get and have had several good hangovers this year due to my tendency to drink like a fish whenever I can escape the monotony of being a housewife. I also joined a gym this year and despite working out 2 hours a week have not lost one pound. But muscle weighs more than fat, you know. What a crock.
All I know is we have survived another year. We had our ups and downs, and like everyone else, had our fun and our struggles. We are glad that Ava enjoys school. We don't care if she is the smartest or the slowest, as long as she learns and is happy. We are grateful that we have employment and a roof over our heads. We don't care to compare vacation notes, home improvement projects, our children's crowning achievements, or any other petty details. We do hope that you take a moment to look around you and realize that there are other people in the world besides you. And those people don't really give a rat's ass what you did all year.
Happy Holidays! Love The Whiners
The holidays are upon us, and once again we've been kind enough to write down everything we did this year, so you can read it with envy. We don't want you to miss a detail!
I'd start with January, except I don't remember any of it. February brought the 5th birthday of our daughter Ava. Because we are out of our minds, we decided to host a children's party for 10 of Ava's little pals at a local kid's museum. Thank God all the parents stayed or I would have lost at least half the children. Once that was done we all went home and got drunk.
March was completely non-descript except I think Easter was thrown in there somewhere. I am sure something happened in April, although I can't recall what it was.
In May we were thrilled that Ava got to have eye surgery and an airway assessment. Our doctor said that since Ava was such a complex case we should go to Cincinnati Children's Hospital for a complete airway assessment, because they are the experts in kids with complex airways. Needless to say, we were thrilled at the thought of visiting yet another hospital and with the added bonus of flying there as well!
In June we decided to take out first plane ride with Ava to a family weekend for craniofacial kids in Myrtle Beach. After spending 12 hours packing our clothing, and cramming all our toiletries, countless medical supplies, and other necessities into 4-ounce containers - and then cramming the 4-ounce containers into quart size plastic bags - I was ready to schlep all our crap to the airport and get on a plane. Ava loved the plane ride and we all enjoyed the vacation, despite the fact that it was hot as blazes and everything cost a million dollars.
July brought my 41st birthday -yipee- I think Malcolm and I may have gone out to dinner, but I don't really remember. All I can tell you is I likely fell asleep by 10pm. also I now need reading glasses on top of my contact lenses for "age related eye problems. "
In August we celebrated 9 years of wedded bliss as well as Malcolm's 43rd birthday. Ava started kindergarten too. As we expected, she is at the top of her class and excels academically. Now if she could sit still during story time we'd be fine. She also dabbles in the martial arts at her twice-weekly karate classes. I am sure she is gifted in this area and we'll likely be celebrating her black belt soon. While the instructor says she can be "unfocused", I view this as such as negative term, and prefer to call her inquisitive and engaging.
Finally, in October we took our dream vacation to Cincinnati, OH, where we spent 5 nights in a cut-rate room - an old hospital room converted to a hotel suite. It wasn't quite as nice as the Ritz but we made the best of it. All I can say is thank God there was a Marriott with an excellent bar across the street or I might not have made it through the week.
Autumn also brought pumpkins, beautiful foliage and the news that Malcolm has high blood pressure. Just another hurdle for us, as he is now taking daily medication for this condition. I continue to take the fist full of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant drugs I need to make it through the day.
This Thanksgiving was much better than last since we spent it with family instead of in the hospital. We look forward to doing the same at Christmas; we hope that we are all healthy.
Day to day life remains the same. Malcolm toils away at his job as an engineer, while I engage in such glamorous activities as grocery shopping, laundry, feeding the cat, cooking, and cleaning every few months. I do get out every chance I get and have had several good hangovers this year due to my tendency to drink like a fish whenever I can escape the monotony of being a housewife. I also joined a gym this year and despite working out 2 hours a week have not lost one pound. But muscle weighs more than fat, you know. What a crock.
All I know is we have survived another year. We had our ups and downs, and like everyone else, had our fun and our struggles. We are glad that Ava enjoys school. We don't care if she is the smartest or the slowest, as long as she learns and is happy. We are grateful that we have employment and a roof over our heads. We don't care to compare vacation notes, home improvement projects, our children's crowning achievements, or any other petty details. We do hope that you take a moment to look around you and realize that there are other people in the world besides you. And those people don't really give a rat's ass what you did all year.
Happy Holidays! Love The Whiners
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I Don't Wanna Work, I Want to bang on the Drum All Day
Let's face it, we are all mercenaries. We all toil away at our jobs because we need money. We need money to live, to eat, to survive, and to enjoy as much as we can out of life. From the time you are a child, you are asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s drilled into us from toddler-hood that at some point you will grow up and have a job.
Most of us are descendants of immigrants. Unless you happen to be a Native American, your ancestors came from another country. This means that they likely came here for opportunity. Things have to be pretty bad if you are willing to journey across the ocean on a month-long trip that will take you to a place where you know no one, and do not speak the language. So suffice it to say that immigrant life was not easy. I know for a fact that it was not. My great grandparents all came from Italy and worked their tails off so their children could have a better life. And their children did have better lives, as did their grandchildren. They worked HARD: in factories, at physical labor, or at whatever job they could get. They did not have fancy educations; they did what they needed to do to feed their families.
Recently I came across an article in a magazine about teenagers having part-time jobs. The article was about the pros and cons of teenagers working during the school year. I started the article with an open mind; after all, these days the pressure on kids is enormous. Some of the kids I tutor wake up at 5:00 am (some of the girls at 4 am, to do their hair), get on the bus by 6, ride over an hour to school, and start their school day at 7:30. They are out of school at 2:00pm, but then face sports practice, clubs, or just the ride home. By the time they get home, they have to squeeze in homework, dinner, and sleep. Most of them are stressed, over scheduled, and just plain exhausted. Therefore, I could see where in these cases it may be hard for a teen to have a part-time job during the school year.
The article went on to say that a summer job for teens is almost always good. I agreed (although at 16 I thought this was a terrible idea). The article then started to state why teens working during the school year could be a poor idea. I thought they would be discussing the reasons I mentioned above….oh no.
The article said that teenagers who work often do so at mundane jobs. For example, they may stock shelves, serve customers fast food, work a cash register, or file papers. These were the types of jobs we had as teens; it never occurred to us that we were qualified to do anything else. The article continued by saying that working at a “boring” or “monotonous” job may contribute toward negative attitudes toward work itself or poor work habits. It said that parents often never saw their teen’s place of employment, and could not therefore conclude if it was an appropriate work environment.
And there’s more, folks. It said that teens should be encouraged to find jobs that are fulfilling and interesting….it listed good motivations and poor motivations for working. Good motivations included dabbling in a potential career field, or gaining valuable life experience. Bad motivations were wanting extra money or wanting to work at the mall, where their friends worked WHAT????????? I repeat, WHAT?????? Honest to God, you can’t make up this stuff.
There are two primary reasons teens work at mundane jobs. First of all, teenagers are completely self-absorbed, and therefore, their brains are often focused on other things. They are, by nature, self-centered creatures, who think that every problem is a tragedy that will never resolve and that life is just hangin' with your BFFs, who will there forever. I was the same way, every teen is. Secondly, most teens have not yet completed high school, nevermind any formal training in other areas of employment. Therefore, they are not qualified to do anything else. They are not qualified to be surgical residents, CEOs of companies, university professors, or leaders of expeditions to save the endangered whale. Now I admit, any of these endeavours sounds more interesting than bagging Happy Meals, or putting away the returns at the local Wal-mart. But that is life; you start at the bottom and work your way up. You gain experience dealing with a crabby boss, working with people who are shitheads, and understanding what it means to earn your money. You realize that the things your parents buy are not so cheap and that money is something that should be spent wisely.
My first job , when I was 16 years old, was at a Pathmark grocery store. I was a cashier. Scanners had just begun popping up in supermarkets, so being a cashier was pretty easy. And it was boring. And I hated it. But my parents told me that if I wanted to have that Flashdance sweatshirt with the ripped sleeves and those white leather boots that I had to get a job and pay for them myself. Again, at this age I thought this was a crappy plan. Having them give me the money was a much better idea.
But I did work in Pathmark for about 3 months until 2 of my friends got jobs next door, at the Kmart. After those 3 months I hung up my blue polyester smock forever and moved next door to Kmart to be with my friends. It was a dull job, but we had fun. We took breaks together, and hung out together after work. We traded shifts if someone had a date, or worked extra hours to buy x-mas gifts. We made the best of those dull jobs and earned some cash in the process. I learned to handle money, smile courteously at people I hated, and keep my temper in check. I learned that people counted on me to be at work and that I better show up. I also learned that money is hard to earn and you should appreciate what what you have. I guess these were poor motivations for work. All I can say is I have not stopped working since I first donned that Pathmark smock at 16; I work because I have to, not because love it. But that's life and unless you are Paris Hilton, get used to it.
Most of us are descendants of immigrants. Unless you happen to be a Native American, your ancestors came from another country. This means that they likely came here for opportunity. Things have to be pretty bad if you are willing to journey across the ocean on a month-long trip that will take you to a place where you know no one, and do not speak the language. So suffice it to say that immigrant life was not easy. I know for a fact that it was not. My great grandparents all came from Italy and worked their tails off so their children could have a better life. And their children did have better lives, as did their grandchildren. They worked HARD: in factories, at physical labor, or at whatever job they could get. They did not have fancy educations; they did what they needed to do to feed their families.
Recently I came across an article in a magazine about teenagers having part-time jobs. The article was about the pros and cons of teenagers working during the school year. I started the article with an open mind; after all, these days the pressure on kids is enormous. Some of the kids I tutor wake up at 5:00 am (some of the girls at 4 am, to do their hair), get on the bus by 6, ride over an hour to school, and start their school day at 7:30. They are out of school at 2:00pm, but then face sports practice, clubs, or just the ride home. By the time they get home, they have to squeeze in homework, dinner, and sleep. Most of them are stressed, over scheduled, and just plain exhausted. Therefore, I could see where in these cases it may be hard for a teen to have a part-time job during the school year.
The article went on to say that a summer job for teens is almost always good. I agreed (although at 16 I thought this was a terrible idea). The article then started to state why teens working during the school year could be a poor idea. I thought they would be discussing the reasons I mentioned above….oh no.
The article said that teenagers who work often do so at mundane jobs. For example, they may stock shelves, serve customers fast food, work a cash register, or file papers. These were the types of jobs we had as teens; it never occurred to us that we were qualified to do anything else. The article continued by saying that working at a “boring” or “monotonous” job may contribute toward negative attitudes toward work itself or poor work habits. It said that parents often never saw their teen’s place of employment, and could not therefore conclude if it was an appropriate work environment.
And there’s more, folks. It said that teens should be encouraged to find jobs that are fulfilling and interesting….it listed good motivations and poor motivations for working. Good motivations included dabbling in a potential career field, or gaining valuable life experience. Bad motivations were wanting extra money or wanting to work at the mall, where their friends worked WHAT????????? I repeat, WHAT?????? Honest to God, you can’t make up this stuff.
There are two primary reasons teens work at mundane jobs. First of all, teenagers are completely self-absorbed, and therefore, their brains are often focused on other things. They are, by nature, self-centered creatures, who think that every problem is a tragedy that will never resolve and that life is just hangin' with your BFFs, who will there forever. I was the same way, every teen is. Secondly, most teens have not yet completed high school, nevermind any formal training in other areas of employment. Therefore, they are not qualified to do anything else. They are not qualified to be surgical residents, CEOs of companies, university professors, or leaders of expeditions to save the endangered whale. Now I admit, any of these endeavours sounds more interesting than bagging Happy Meals, or putting away the returns at the local Wal-mart. But that is life; you start at the bottom and work your way up. You gain experience dealing with a crabby boss, working with people who are shitheads, and understanding what it means to earn your money. You realize that the things your parents buy are not so cheap and that money is something that should be spent wisely.
My first job , when I was 16 years old, was at a Pathmark grocery store. I was a cashier. Scanners had just begun popping up in supermarkets, so being a cashier was pretty easy. And it was boring. And I hated it. But my parents told me that if I wanted to have that Flashdance sweatshirt with the ripped sleeves and those white leather boots that I had to get a job and pay for them myself. Again, at this age I thought this was a crappy plan. Having them give me the money was a much better idea.
But I did work in Pathmark for about 3 months until 2 of my friends got jobs next door, at the Kmart. After those 3 months I hung up my blue polyester smock forever and moved next door to Kmart to be with my friends. It was a dull job, but we had fun. We took breaks together, and hung out together after work. We traded shifts if someone had a date, or worked extra hours to buy x-mas gifts. We made the best of those dull jobs and earned some cash in the process. I learned to handle money, smile courteously at people I hated, and keep my temper in check. I learned that people counted on me to be at work and that I better show up. I also learned that money is hard to earn and you should appreciate what what you have. I guess these were poor motivations for work. All I can say is I have not stopped working since I first donned that Pathmark smock at 16; I work because I have to, not because love it. But that's life and unless you are Paris Hilton, get used to it.
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