Unusual names have been with us for a long time. Scarlett O'Hara (heroine of Gone With the Wind), Elijah Blue Altman (Cher's son with rocker Greg Allman), and Moon Unit Zappa (daughter of musician Frank Zappa) are all "different"names, to say the least. However, one of these is a fictional character, and the other two were named by people who likely spent a lot of time high on drugs and booze. Back in the days, names like these were anomalies.
But not anymore. About a dozen years ago, people decided that their children were so extraordinary that a regular old name was just not good enough. And so began the trend of giving your child a "unique" name. A name that would not only show the world that this child was, indeed, extraordinary, but also that its parents were complete and total idiots.
When I was in grade school, back in the 70's, kids had names. I mean names that could be found in the little book parents used to consult before naming their child. I went to school with a lot of "-eens": Eileens, Maureens, Noreens, Doreens, Jeaneens, - and also a lot of Marys, Annes, Dianes, Lisas, Debbies, and Karens. Nothing odd or unique about them. The boys were named John, Joseph, Robert, Peter, Michael, Mark...good, solid biblical names.
When I started teaching, about 10 years ago, I came across a lot of Amandas, Brittanys, Ashleys, and all kinds of -annas: Lilliana, Julianna, Brianna, Gianna, etc. Even still, these are at least real names.
A while ago I was reading an article in Parenting magazine. Side note: I hate Parenting magazine. It's always filled with lots of tidbits about how to make recycled stationery out of used paper plates, or an article about how some child overcame an allergy to avocados and went on to lead a perfectly normal life. Snoozers! I was forced to read it in some doctor's office, where all the other literature was in Spanish. An article about "New Naming Trends" caught my eye; I knew it would be painful to read, but I had nothing else to do. It started out by saying that, these days, parents are putting a lot more thought into naming their child; in other words, they have nothing else to do, so instead of shouting some random name as the child passes painfully through the birth canal, they spend months researching this all-important topic.
In the article several couples are interviewed. One that stands out is a couple who said they spent months trying to think of an appropriate name and finally decided "that Basil was the perfect name for our son because it combined our mutual loved of nature and gourmet cooking into one word." Yeah, I have a word: Asskicking, which is exactly what Basil is going to get every day of his life. Imagine poor Basil when he graduates from college and must get a job. Somebody is going to read his name and say "There is no way I am hiring some a**hole whose name is an herb."
Why does this annoy me so much? it's just another reflection of the self-centered, self-absorbed, self-important society in which we live. Every child is exceptional; every person is gifted; and rules are just for the "regular" people. Little Basil can't be expected to do the same thing as his peers; after all, his name alone conveys "a love for nature and gourmet cooking." Yeah, well good for him. If he has any brains, he'll change his name when he's older. Or, if he's as stupid as his parents, he'll probably change it to Thyme.
1 comment:
Mom has a kid in her school whose first name is "Ibriham-magic". I think his ass is in greater danger than Basil's.
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