"Please Speak into the Saint's Mouth..."

Well so much for my attempts at blogging everyday. I guess I can do it only when inspired.


Today's topic is religion...now, don't stop reading, it's not judgemental, just merely an observation. We Catholics have certain expectations at Mass. We also have certain wishes, like "please let this be over soon." I hated church as a kid; I was bored out of my mind and really had no idea what the heck was going on. As a teenager, church was just another annoying thing for me to do on a Sunday, when hanging out with my friends seemed much more important. Then, as an adult, I stopped going altogether; I never stopped praying or believing in God, I just was usually too hungover to think of getting up on Sunday for Mass.


So here I am, 42 years old, and going to Mass again. I've tried taking my young daughter a few times, but much like me at her age, she's bored and doesn't have a clue what any of it means. We spend half the Mass in the church bathroom and the rest of it trying to find amusements to keep her occupied. It's anything but spiritual, prayerful, or peaceful. Since my husband is not Catholic, i just go by myself. It's an hour of quiet reflection for me and I like it. It's also incredible because I have found an Express Mass.


That's right, an Express Mass. We live in a small town with one Catholic parish, to which we belong. We have a wonderful priest, but it's just him and so he says Mass on Sunday at 8am and 10:30 am. Sometimes I'm not up for going out that early so I found a Mass at noon in a town about 20 minutes away. There is no singing and no fluff; just a straight up Mass. I love it. I got there today at 12:06 and they were reading the GOSPEL. Not the first or second reading, but already the Gospel. The priest who says this Mass gives a short sermon, and it's usually a historical piece of interest. The entire Mass has never been longer than 45 minutes. The priests doesn't even walk down the aisle at the end of Mass; he ducks out the back door! It is the McDonald's of Church.


Now it also doesn't hurt that this church is across the street from two other houses of worship I frequent: Bed, Bath and Beyond, and Marshalls with a Home Goods inside. So I go to a short Mass and shop in one stretch. Heaven!


I'm not sure why I still want Church to be over with quickly. As I started to say, I think it's a Catholic thing. I've been to protestant churches and they are looooooooooooooooooong services. We went to an Episcopal church a few times, which is very similar to Catholic church. This is not a surprise since I think King Henry VIII had to separate the Church of England from the Roman Catholic Church so he could divorce Catherine of Aragon, his first wife. This was an HOUR AND A HALF service, so I had to ditch that church and fast. We tried going to a Methodist service (my husband was raised Methodist), but they did everything backwards and were much too stoic for my taste.

So I guess I'm stuck practicing what Ray Romano refers to as "part-time Catholicism." I am better about getting to Mass and even help teach CCD, but I guess I'll never get over smiling when I hear the words, "The Mass is ended; go in peace to love and serve the Lord. And maybe pick up a new springform pan and Bed Bath and Beyond." Thanks be to God.