It seems today that is has become trendy for parents to make a pre-emptive strike against anything that may cause their children frivolous happiness. Television shows devoid of educational value, games that do not teach a second language, or activities that can’t be placed on an application to Harvard are deemed worthless. And the food issues…oh where do I begin?
Some parents feel that any food that passes their children’s lips must be organic; holistic; free of sugar, chemicals and dyes; and not contain a gram of hydrogenated oil or high fructose corn syrup. That leaves them the options of celery and Earthy Bob’s Tofu Bites. While I admire the enthusiasm, albeit naïve enthusiasm, of these mothers to encourage healthy eating habits, I find the whole thing just a bit tiresome. This is the same brigade that is asking schools to ban children from bringing celebratory cupcakes, Munchins, or other treats to school for their birthdays. Is there anything more important to a young child than his or her birthday? Hell, I would get pissed if someone told me I couldn’t have treats with my friends on my birthday and I’m 41. It’s as if these parents are walking around with a giant vacuum, busily sucking the joy out of children’s lives.
“Don’t eat too much sugar, you’ll be hyper!”
“Don’t watch any cartoons; they are junk food for the brain!”
“Don’t go trick or treating, you’ll be kidnapped by pedophiles!”
“Make sure that you ask for extra homework…you’ll be better for it in the long run!”
Now I admit, not every part of my childhood was filled with happiness. I went to Catholic School, which was so boring I could literally hear the moments of my young life falling to the ground and dying while some nun or underpaid lay teacher droned on about God knows what.
Lunch is the one piece of the school day I remember fondly. When I was little, I had a tin lunch box, complete with matching thermos. I think my first one was Snoopy and then I graduated to Kroft Superstars around 3rd grade. By 5th grade it was the brown paper sack. Lunch was pretty consistent: sandwich (usually bologna; pb&j; or Chicken Spread, my personal favorite). The sandwich was accompanied by Hawaiian Punch and either a bag of chips or a Hostess cake. Sometimes it was both. Yes, that’s right; my mother packed me chips AND a Twinkie. And I loved it. Twinkies, Devil Dogs, Ring Dings, Yodels, I loved them all. Oh and those little coffee cakes! To die for!
Could you imagine if I tried to bring that same lunch to school today? First I’d have to be inspected to ensure that my food did not contain any traces of tree nuts, which could send a less hardy child into a coma. Then, I’d have to be seated away from the peanut-free, dairy-free, and fun-free tables so I could eat. After lunch I’d be made to stand on a podium, a scarlet S (for sugar) slapped onto my tee shirt. “See that little girl? She ate a Twinkie and a bag of chips in one day and now her eating habits will be destroyed, destroyed I tell you!”
I tell you all this because at a recent PTA meeting we were discussing the reward our students would receive if they collected enough box tops or whatever to generate $500 for the school. The PTA president, a seasoned mother of three, suggested giving each child an ice cream pop one day at lunch near the end of the school year. Simple, easy, and best yet, no volunteers required. From the back of the room, a hand shot up: A mother, the earnest parent of a new kindergartener, said smugly, “I work with a nutrition cooperative and we are trying to discourage people from using food as a reward.”
Had I not been in a room with other parents and teachers, I likely would have said, “It’s one f$#@!%^* ice cream pop on one f$#@!%^* day of the school year. It will not destroy your precious organic baby’s health or encourage him to become obese in any way. So, unless you’re planning on personally handing out cash as a reward, zip it and go along with the program.”
I will admit that I try to adhere to a healthy diet; I am conscious of the food choices I make and try to stay within reasonable guidelines. I try to eat things in moderation, although I am not sure if drinking a bottle of Malbec while polishing off half a quart of Ben & Jerry’s would be considered moderate. However, I try to quash the binges by eating healthy when I can and encouraging my family to do so.
Now does this mean that I don’t enjoy the occasional (all right, thrice weekly) sugar-laden treat? Hardly. I love gummi bears, Dots, gum drops, and anything with the name Godiva printed on it. I happily eat any dessert whenever I get to a restaurant and on birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, Saint Feast Days, and Fridays. But treats are fun and they are delicious and they are part of living, for God’s sake. So swallow the sugar, the cake, the ice cream and enjoy life…and stop trying to prevent your children from doing so.
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