Just Eat Smaller Portions...Yeah Right

Here is a confession from me: I love food and I love to eat. Oh and I love to drink too. Wine, mostly. I grew up in an Italian family; that meant, if we were not eating, we were thinking about the next meal. I think the first thing I always asked when I arrived home from school was, "What's for dinner?" I almost always loved it. The only time I ever lose my appetite is during times of great stress, and we're talking close to life and death here. Otherwise, I can always go for a little something to nosh.

I have lived in several places: I grew up on Staten Island, which was full of Italian immigrants. My extended family lived in Brooklyn, and were a stone's throw away from Manhattan; 'nough said about the qualty of food in both places. I lived in San Francisco, which boasts some of the country's best restaurants, not mention the wine that is produced in Napa and Sonoma. I also lived in Oakland, a place very close to the infamous city of Berkeley, which has some of the best ethnic cuisine I've ever had.

So it was a great surprise to me when I moved to CT. Rural, small town, CT at that. It is difficult to find anything good to eat here. A few good - and even some exceptional - restaurants exist here, but they are the exception rather than the rule. I have simply come to the conclusion that many people here don't like food. They eat simply to survive, which, to me, is an abomination.

This brings me to the point of this blog. These people who do not eat, obviously don't gain any weight, and are therefore skeletons. These are the people who attend my gym (lucky me).

I joined a gym about 18 months ago. In addition to loving food, I also hate exercise. There I said it. I love to eat and I hate to exercise. I realize this is not a popular opinion among the skeletons, but who cares? I go dragging into the gym, twice weekly, for an hour's workout. I do some strength training for 30 minutes and then 30 minutes of "cardio", another term for nearly killing ones self on some stupid piece of exercise equipment. Despite over 1 year of this I have not lost 1 pound. Nope, not a single one. Many people give me that line, "Well muscle weighs more than fat." My thought is, "And ice cream weighs more than 1/2 cup of steamed broccoli."

I am not sure what it is, really. I know all about portion size and not eating after 7 pm and all that crap. And if I hear one more person say cheerfully, "Eat less and move more!" I just may kill them. I just can't help myself. I am not obese, but I am likely 20 pounds from where I should be. It's been 6 years since my child was born, so i can't blame it on baby weight, although that was a good excuse for a while. It's just that are so many good things to eat.

And I am sorry but a piece of grilled chicken breast the size of a deck of cards and a side of steamed greens is NOT as appetizing, nor as filling, as say: a burger with sweet potato fries; a heaping plate of macaroni and meatballs; a huge steak, with a baked potato; a piece of pie; or a banana split. Are we seeing the problem here? It's not that I dislike "healthy" food; on the contrary, I enjoy it very much. But I seem to have a breaking point. For example, I have been watching my diet closely for about 5 weeks and managed to lose about 5 pounds. Now, mind you, I am not suffering; I am eating between 1400-1600 calories a day, drinking a little less wine and trying to keep up with my exercise. BUT I HATE IT. Every minute feels like a sacrifice, and I hate watching every piece of food I eat. I hate that I can't have seconds at dinner or that by 9pm I am so hungry I could eat my pillow.

I guess I am one of those people who lives to eat and I will never change. I'll never be one of those skinny little women at the gym who is feverishly running on the treadmill at 90 mph and then goes for another 2 hours on the bike. I can't do it. Or should I say, I don't want to do it.

I don't understand any of it. I was always thin as a rail as a kid, but then came 30, and then came 40, and...crap...extra weight. I just hate all of it and am ready to say I am happy with who I am and who gives a rat's fat ass if I am a little chubbier than I should be. Don't get me wrong...I'll keep at my exercise and at my portion control crap, but I am having birthday cake, I am having wine, and I am having ice cream once in a while. I may never be a skeleton, but I'll never regret a minute of living either. Now, i wonder if there's anything in the kitchen for a late night snack?